it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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