There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
