Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
