Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
