Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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