"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
