you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
