oh god the rape fog is back!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
