6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
