we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize