i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
