Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
