no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
