i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
