So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
