I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
