He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize