FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I understand Curling. That high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize