This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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