Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
