I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
