On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
