I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
