brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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