jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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