Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
