it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
