My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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