Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
