Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
