Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
