Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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