By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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