We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
