I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
