i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
