he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
