Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
