i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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