all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
