I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
