I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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