i need an iv and a liver transplant
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
