No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
