I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
