Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
being pregnant is like rehab
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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