Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You pole danced in your parka.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
