I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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