whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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