Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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