Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
