were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They took my balls.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
