It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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