Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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