you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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