do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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