I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
