i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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