the condom got lost in my hair
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
