woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
