Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize