How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
