You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
