So drunk its hurt
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
