I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
