Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
