Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
