Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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