So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Still dying that you shit outside
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
