I feel great
I just peed on a car
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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