I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
