Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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