why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
