lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
