i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
