He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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