you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
