I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
