Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
