Cold hands, warm shart.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
