my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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