I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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