you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
