i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
