you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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