Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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