Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My room smells like vodka and shame
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
