I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
