Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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