Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
