how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize