I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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