I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this just has baby written all over it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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